hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
