The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
