i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
