..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
