rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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