By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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