she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
