I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
