dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
