that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Still dying that you shit outside
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
