you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
