Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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