i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wish there were birth control emojis
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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