I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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