if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im holly from the hills drunk
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
