He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
