i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
