i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
