I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
