the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
