what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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