Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
