i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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