At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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