Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
