Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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