i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
