Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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