would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
