my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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