look no pants
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
