I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
