It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
