Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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