Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
