i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we're so committed to being not committed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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