I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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