Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
