Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
