I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
