from now on my penis is your penis
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
