how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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