He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
