I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You smell like stripper and shame
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
