She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
only you would photoshop your dick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
