He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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