I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
