i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
