Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
