Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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