i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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