if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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