Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
