Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
