i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
