bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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