Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
