I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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