I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You don't make any sense
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